You know, I'm kind of a Scrooge when it comes to the holiday season. I don't like putting up lights around the house. Personally, I think getting up on a ladder this time of year is downright stupid. I wait as long as I can to put up the Christmas tree. I don't like Christmas music, maybe some instrumentals. Most I find obnoxious, especially with the currently hot recording artists do their own rendition of a song that's been rehashed a million times before. I think my favorite Christmas song this year is by Spongebob. "Don't be a jerk, it's Christmas." By the way, what the hell is up with the dogs bark Jingle Bells? Do people actually find that entertaining outside a 2 minute clip off youtube? I hate snow. You can't change my mind. I don't find it pretty and I never will. Some part of me understands why others do, but when I look at it, it makes me cold. It makes me tired. I hate shoveling it. I hate the feel of walking on it. I hate the crunching noise it makes under my feet. I think, most of all, I hate driving on it. I'll bet it was more enjoyable when people got around by horse and sleigh. Okay, so I'm a pretty big Scrooge.

But I think the thing that makes me hate the Holidays most is the people. I guess working in retail will do that to you. Anyone who has will tell you that the holidays is when all the worst sort come out. Or maybe it's that the worst comes out in most sorts. I don't know. I find it irritating, though, that people choose this time of year to be the biggest assholes. Last time I checked, the holidays, whatever holiday it is that you happen to hold dear, is a time for celebration. If it's Christmas you prefer, then you should worrying more about spreading cheer and good tidings than whether or not you can get a hold of the latest video game for your child. I've got a secret to share with you. If you've been giving them the things that matter, love, guidance, and support, they're going to be happy with you no matter, even if you have to tell them they might have to wait till their birthday for said game. And don't come whining to me after you've checked out because the line wraps around half the store even though we have every register available running. You're the one that chose to wait until the last month before Christmas to do your shopping. Whether you're lazy, ill prepared, or you were waiting for the "best deals," I don't really care. By the way, I was watching the line. It took you 10 minutes. I've got...5 hours left on my shift and another 3000 you-clones left to deal with, so Happy Holidays and get out of my store.

Which brings me to the point of my rant. 'Bout time, right? Last year, I got yelled at for 30 minutes because we had signs up that said "Happy Holidays." APPARENTLY, we're not Christian, because we chose to say "Happy Holidays," instead of "Merry Christmas." Well excuse me. In fact, I'm agnostic, though I imagine that my general moral structure coincides fairly well with my Christian upbringing. Personally, though, I don't really care what holiday you celebrate, I hope you have a good one. Hence my choice to say Happy Holidays. It's the week of Christmas, starting yesterday or today, depending on how you look at it. Hannakuh is over, and I'm not really sure when Kwanza runs, so I'll probably start wishing people a Merry Christmas, but honestly, you can have a Merry whatever you please. Is it really so Christian to attack others because they don't celebrate Christmas, or because they choose to recognize those that celebrate other holidays? Seriously, step off your pedestal Dude and take a look at yourself. Maybe you ought to pay attention to the lyrics of the songs you hold so dear (and I find so annoying). Christmas is a time of giving, hope, love, compassion and all the warm and fuzzy stuff that's supposed to enrich your spirit. Stop trying to piss me off. You see this smile? Pretty convincing, right? I plastered it on my face just for you and for all the other jerks piling into my business, giving me crap, even though I'm only trying to assist their Christmas shopping.

On that note, I'd just like to say that there are a few things I do like about the Holidays. I like having time off with my wife and children. I like seeing their faces when they open their gifts after I've wracked my brain trying to find things that will matter to them. I like sitting around the house, relaxing and playing board games. I like going to my In-laws (even when I have to drive through 6 inches of snow to get there) to wish them a Merry Christmas and to give them my thanks for making me feel like a part of their family. I like fudge (all 1/4 of a square inch I can eat any given year) and when my wife and my kids bake cookies and cake and other sweets for me.

For those who are worried about the "War on Christmas," I think you're looking at the wrong front. I'm looking at home to the Tinkerbell topped Christmas Tree my kids will be under and I'm thinking my Christmas will be merry and bright.

So Happy Holidays.

Seriously, relax.